Looking to the Past
Looking back at old DMs like a WW2 veteran looking back at old letters…
This post was largely inspired by my friend Matt. He lives in Ottawa, we play videogames together, and we were in the same program (he graduated already). Here’s some context, during school, we weren’t really super close friends, he was more of a colleague rather than a friend. We lived in the same building (Bethune) but he lived in the rooms in the upper levels, I lived in the suites. He recalled a story one time to me in discord of a time where there was apparently a fire alarm that went off at 3 a.m. and our interaction. I apparently walked up to him asked him about 2030 (Computational Methods) homework and if he has the answers. Talked about nothing else, then straight up left him. Apparently he thought I was an asshole at that point, which I mean fair. Who strikes up a conversation strictly to just ask about school shit and leaves lmao. Anyways I looked back into our previous conversations from that time, which is saved on Facebook and let me tell you. I never talked much to people from my program, I never became close friends with any of them. I was friends with my roommates and people from other engineering majors. My good friends were either in civil, mechanical or geomatics lmao. I thought all the Space people were nerds and weird (which is kinda true). But I’m glad I’m friends with Matt now.
We’re pretty lucky we live in an age where our conversations are saved (some might see that as a privacy issue since it is stored in huge servers and Mr Zuck can freely see them, but I digress). I was looking back at old conversations with people, mostly people from Australia, some on a more recent time and damn it took me on a reminiscent road.
I’m mostly going to focus on Facebook here since its a bit more of the older messaging platforms. I also have old DMs from Twitter and Instagram but those seem to recent to reveal at this point.
Some messages more than a decade old. I think I started my Facebook account since 2009, I’m looking at these messaged from these really old accounts, of random folks, cause I used to play FarmVille and Mafia Wars. I grinded those games hard and with those games you needed friends to help boost you a little.
There’s one message from a friend of my brother who committed suicide, a year after we left Australia. Michael Douglas. I know my brother and him were great friends, and its both sad and hopeful to see that a part of him is still in my messages. Its surreal.
Now I’m looking at group messages from years past and boy there are many. Looking at these old chats with friends(of which some I still keep in contact with), it’s crazy how much (or how little) change has happened since.
Note: I feel like the statute of limitations on these conversations are way past and it doesn’t really matter too much anymore, plus these folks live half a continent away so what does it matter other than it’s a bit cringe, but cringe is funny.
There’s a conversation from 2010 about me going to ask out a girl, Mikayla. Mind you I’m the only thing I have going back then which I think I still have now, is A) my confidence, and B) my funny. Both of which can land you literally any person* (Disclaimer: unless you fuck things up beforehand). Anyways, Mikayla was the girl I’ve been crushing on for a while now, we met in public school, we were in the same (smarter section) classes. Until highschool (Grade 7 is where they start highschool in Australia) they put sections in order (to what I think now is pretty fucked up), of testing level, smarter folk are section 1, then 2, etc. to 8. I think 8 was strictly the misbehaving group/ unknown. Cause I was in that group, and I was one of the smarter folks from our grade (and thats not confidence talking, I bet you can ask anyone else from then too). That’s where I met some of my other great friends, who I’ll talk about later. Anyways she was part of that group 1. I always kinda have a thing for smart, empowered women but again I’m tangenting out the main topic here. I think this was some time grade 7, where I planned on asking out Mikayla finally. And this was the type of shit that went down in group chats LMFAO…
There was always gossip in these group chats, and while I feel like I’ve always tried to stay away from drama, I feel like there’s always some part of me that’s gonna be part of thr drama/ stirring shit up. Another toxic trait I’m trying to get rid off in therapy lol. Oh god, I’m looking back at these and just can’t help laughing and cringing at the dumbest shit I wrote. I feel like I was actually socially inept at one point and part of that still kinda lingers LMFAO.
Holy shit looking back at these, I’m so cringe, the origins of me shitposting came from way back then. If anyone’s been in a group chat with me, they’d know I would post a shit ton of memes or random shit that is (probably) funny. Looking back I thought that was something I didn’t do until recently but damn, it goes way back. Oh God I even see some of those old copy pastas in these group chats.
Now I’m looking into when Call of Duty: Black Ops released (yeah the first one in 2010. I remember being so excited for it. There’s old relics of how to make a minecraft server and set it up for everyone to join… The old “hamachi” cracked servers.
Looking back, I was a bit of a bully too. I’m looking at disgusting messages I sent back then. Just being mean, and a terrible person.
The classic bed intruder songs and origins of Youtube.
This one went a little dark but this was a reaction to the Fukushima reactor meltdown in 2011.
There was a point where I played amateur e-sports (and was really good at it, mind you I was like 13–14 here) I’ve always thought to myself if I continued playing videogames a lot I eventually probably made pro, but in my prime years I moved so there wasn’t much time to play.
This was also a time of my use of the n-word, something I’m very much not proud of and wish I had learned the negative consequences of it. This was a different time, but still that was no excuse of using it, and I won’t hide the fact I did use it even up until my university days, even as a “joke” without negative intent. I will always say, it was never right to say it….
Moving on from the sensitive topic. I now realize I’m a magnet for drama. I thought I tried to avoid it but clearly, from all these DMs. I’m a fucking wreck. I don’t really think much about it but it seemed I’m pretty good at making friends. Hell, moving a lot does that. But now I’m looking and shit maybe I’m pretty good at manipulating too. That’s definitely something I gotta bring up with my therapist, I brought up my other red flags but that one needs some assistance.
Looking back, one of my old gaming friends, who still has me as a friend, our last conversation is asking if they would go on TS(TeamSpeak) an old voice chatting program similar to discord. I’m sure this conversation is similar to many of those who game and one day their online friend just stopped talking to them. This was from 2012.
I’ve also realized, I’m a damn whore. No other words to it. I don’t know if it’s the confidence in me or what the fuck it is. But I’ve always just been a bit of a whore. The only time I only strictly talked to one person is with Serena. And well that lasted long but not long enough I guess.
I’m too in the sauce right now just looking back at these conversations. It’s like a time machine. To be honest, I don’t remember much back then my memory is foggy and my therapist says that might be because of past traumas that I forget things. But also I feel I’ve always had a shitty memory.
I just found messages asking people to Skype… Remember Skype? they really fumbled the bag on that. One of the oldest voice and DMing services out there and I bet you these zoomers don’t even know what it is.
I also think I found the point where me and Mikayla broke up, or something happened, we stopped talking or something? Honestly I can’t tell. Just teen angst I think, and a group chat so lots of shit going down.
Group chats or as we called it back then multichats. Were frequently made. This was probably the 20th group chat we made.
This was an old conversation with an older online friend of mine. Back then I used to edit videos for people, that was a serious thing I took up, I wanted to be a content creator. I was super into those Call of Duty montages, and freelance edited videos. I probably still have some that I’ve edited somewhere. This guy was one of the people I hung out with online, he was a bit older than me and we played together when I think he lived in Victoria, Australia (out South) and now he lives in Louisiana with a family.
Now I remember, Mikayla and I broke up cause I was moving… Shitty thing about that is I avoided seeing her for after we did break up. Even though it wasn’t strictly because we didn’t like each other. It was just shitty timing.
I lie a lot too jesus fuck. I sent this in 2012… It’s been 10 years BRUH. Maybe I do need to go back soon.
I feel like in certain areas in life, there are always cliques of people. Groups of friends or whatever of just likeminded folks. I feel, I’ve always been the head or a leader in most of whichever ones I’m a part of (mostly) I had this conversation with a friend about when I left Australia, apparently that shook the entire clique system that was going on.
Apparently I held a pretty huge wide net of friends that unfortunately when I left, lost each other. I don’t like that, I think if I’ve ever become friends with you, we can pick things up like the times never changed.
Anyways moving on. I feel I was pretty clueless with girls. I got girls telling me this inside info. With all those h’s and i’s I was IN bro LMAO. Having charisma, funny and confidence can only get you so far when you’re a clueless idiot.
Here’s another one, at this point I was settled in Australia. I was the new hot kid from Australia with the accent. All the honeys wanted me (apparently) I didn’t pick up on it though. I’m blocking this one out cause I feel these people might pick up on who these are.
Sometimes I wonder if I still have an accent, what the fuck life would be like? Apparently it still comes back from time to time. I actually feel if I lived there for a bit it can come back.
I’m an asshole man. Looking back at these conversations. I’m absolutely an asshole.
But I also feel like that’s a small part of my attitude that I just have cause of my confidence and charisma. Funny thing is I don’t really know where it comes from, I’m a short asian. I mean I’d say I’m cute but not really “hot”. So I guess confidence just comes naturally? This one message though was really nice.
There was this girl from highschool, (that wasn’t my ex) that seemed to be into me. I honestly don’t know how I didn’t pick up on it. Looking back through the DMs the signs were THERE bro.
I’ll be honest, this conversation I never opened until tonight after writing this and holy shit this is hilarious. I have no idea what the fuck a dp like is?? WHY DID I ACT LIKE I DID? At this point I was trying to assimilate to Canadian culture and watched hockey.
At this point I was well within Canada and lost contact with my friend in Australia. Hell, I was watching football too and was already a Broncos fan. This was where I started my fantasy footbal genius. Isn’t it crazy that it’s been 6 years, and Brady is still a fucking god at football?
This was during the Broncos 2016 Superbowl run… Look at me being a goody two shoes and not doing drugs :)
We’re getting to messages that are a bit more recent now so I’m going to leave out some sensitive stuff. Here’s one though of one of my friend’s brother vandalizing the suite we lived in but we got in trouble for it LMAO.
Sometimes I feel past me should have talked to present me and maybe things would be a lot different LMFAO.
Anyways here are some great photos I found too.
This was circa 2011 I think, just before grade 7. Just before leaving primary school we knew we weren’t gonna be in the same classes anymore. Bit chauvinistic and hella misogyny here not going to lie, little bit of racism here and there too, and fucked up imagery. I could tell you the backstory of each drawing but honestly I forgot some of them. I know for me I used to bring chocolates and buy everyone some treats when I can, and I was also kinda the de-facto leader of the group so that’s why I’m on the top there.
This was 2017. The beginning of a new era. A new (still worse) Jon… Jon (2022)is definitely a different person than this guy. Still have the same Toga and Beer hat though.
I messaged some of my friends back in 2015 to send photos of Australia… I said I was using them for a project. But I don’t recall if I ever did so I’m gonna just post them here. For Zap, Jordan and Jake.
This last photo is probably a memory that seems so irrelevant and unknown to many people except for a few. Back in those days, I had my lunch friends, friends who I’ve had since grade school but then there were the people I hung out with a lot cause again I was in a different class to those I’m usually with. Section 8 (at this point I forgot what we were called), I’ve already explained we were segregated through book smarts (which is kinda fucked up). And I was put into the 8th, which assumingly is the dumbasses (let me tell you they weren’t. They were rowdy and the mischievous crowd but in no way are they dumb. My section always had the same classes together. Same science class, history, english, languages, and maths class. Within that group of folks I found myself a group of tight knit friends that joked around and stuck around together. Always sat in the same spots each time, there was Jake, pretty much the bad boy. Popular kid, bit of a heart breaker. There was Zap, the big teddy bear, strong eastern Euro accent but boy I love him. Meg, the gossip, the lovely lady, the instigator and motivation. Jordan, the soldier, the funny guy, great attitude and the guy I think I knew the longest. Then there was me, the smart dude, the smart ASIAN dude. I’m sure I’m forgetting some people. I’m sorry. Honestly it’s been so long and its like 4:30 in the morning at the time of writing this so my brain is fried.
Anyways, at one point someone (I think I did) wrote FGH on one of the school chairs at the back where there was an opening. Vandalizing it essentially, FGH meant “Finger Go Here”… Literally the dumbest shit ever. Yet we started writing that on one or two of the chairs at each class we were at. A gag that seemed so funny at the time, I mean it still kinda is. This is what it means to have friends. Not to be dramatic, I said this earlier, I’d die for any of my friends. Whether we haven’t talked in a while or just talked yesterday. Once I’ve befriended you, in my eyes, you’re pretty cool. I’m very loyal and I think that’s one of the qualities that make a great friend.
FGH. Finger Go Here. So dumb lmao.
Anyways, till the next time.
JA.
